Again
by Kiz
Summary: Someone from the past reappears in Dennis's life, and he's not sure if he wants to re-explore what they shared together. SLASH ABANDONED
1. the business card

PLEASE NOTE: I am no longer writing this story as I have moved on to other projects, but I want to keep this story up for archival purposes. Who knows, I may return to it in the future.  
  
The days never seemed to go any faster, not even when he was kept busy. He would still find his eyes being drawn to the wall clock, and the thin black hand would tick rhythmically – 1...2...3...2...3...2...3...He blinked his eyes once, twice, but no time seemed to pass. Every minute felt more like an hour – and with 480 minutes to kill in one day, he could feel the grey hairs beginning to sprout and he had half a mind to take measurements for his own coffin. He'd be dead by the time 5pm arrived.  
  
Dennis Finch dropped his pen onto the table and rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing loudly. One of these days, he was sure of it, his head would swell and throb so much that it would explode. It never got any better from Monday to Friday – Monday would see him at the brink of Hell and it would go downhill from there. It wasn't that he hated his...OK, he DID hate his job, but not the people he worked with. Maya, Jack, Elliott...and alright, even Nina - they were all crazy in their own unique ways, and he loved them for it. If nothing else, he'd leave this job with the knowledge that he'd made some unique, firm friends during his time in the Blush offices. But despite having their presences, they would only be able to offer a short period of distraction before he would have to return to his regular mundane tasks that his job as Jack's assistant required.  
  
"Monday morning is so bad...Everybody seems to naaaag meee..." he crooned to himself, hooking his blonde hair behind his ears. A Backstreet Boys ballad was on the small clock radio sitting on his table, but he wasn't listening to it – whenever a bad song was on the radio he liked to sing a song of his own choosing until the song on the radio ended. He'd heard the song 'Friday On My Mind' by The Easybeats during his recent vacation in Australia and it seemed to suit his life perfectly. Putting aside the fact that he'd had to drain his bank account dry to take that vacation, and was now trying to nurse it to health again by working overtime, Australia had been great.  
  
"Finch!" Nina scurried towards his desk clutching an item of clothing in each hand. One was a skintight, neon orange sweater and one was a leopard- print faux leather jacket.  
  
"I must be crazy asking for fashion tips from the style-impaired, but what do you think of these?" She asked, holding the clothing up in the air. Finch raised an eyebrow, gearing up for one of his famous sarcastic remarks.  
  
"You mean as clothing?" he asked. Nina frowned and stomped her narrow heel on the floor. If Nina happened to step on a bug in one of her nosebleed- inducing shoes, the bug would surely be impaled on it.  
  
"Finch, i'm serious! I have a date with Steven Seagull tonight and I can't work out what to wear!" she moaned.  
  
"Nina, dearest, I'm sure Steven Seagull isn't the least concerned about what you have on...but, rather, what you DON'T have on." Dennis skipped a beat before asking, "What are you doing, going out with Steven Seagull? As in the actor?"  
  
Nina blinked. "Steven Seagull acts?...No, no, he's a banker...BANKer," she elaborated upon seeing the amused expression on his face. "You know, as in the guy that gets to tell you that you're broke." She gave him a taunting grin. "You'd know him, right?"  
  
"I'm not listening," Dennis dismissed her, turning his back to slide papers into Jack's pigeon hole. However, Nina wasn't through with him, and leant forward over the table.  
  
"You've had to work so hard to try and fill up your bank account again. In fact, I commend you. You've been doing the work of three men – Larry, Curly and Moe."  
  
"I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you," Dennis shot back without hesitation.  
  
"I bet you've had to give up a lot of things in order to save money. Which reminds me – 'Juggling Jubblies' called about your subscription."  
  
"A smart mouth doesn't necessarily equal a keen mind. Nina, if you seriously want a beauty tip from me, then here's the best I can offer: HIDE."  
  
Nina narrowed her eyes and began walking away, but suddenly turned back to Dennis. "Oh, a guy dropped in to see you a few minutes before you came to work."  
  
"Oh, really?" Dennis mumbled, his head lowered as he picked up his pen and went back to work.  
  
"Yeah, some guy named Ethan."  
  
Dennis's hand froze in midair and he lifted his eyes to Mina. "Ethan? Are you sure his name was Ethan?"  
  
"Unless he stole someone else's name tag, then yes, his name was Ethan. He left his card on your table. Good luck finding it beneath that mess."  
  
As Nina strode towards her desk, Dennis dropped his pen on the table, where it rolled onto the floor, and he began lifting papers and folders frantically in search of the card. By the time he'd been through everything, he had more of a mess than he had to begin with. He growled and pressed his palm against his forehead at the same time as Maya rounded the corner. She eyed him curiously.  
  
"Dennis, what's the matter?" she asked, approaching the front of his table.  
  
"Someone I know left his card on my desk before I got here this morning and now I can't find it." He fumbled through the vase in the corner and lifted the desk phone in the air.  
  
"Is it Ethan's?" Maya asked.  
  
"What? You know Ethan too? How does everyone know Ethan? Has someone been talking to you?" Dennis said quickly.  
  
"No! No, I don't KNOW Ethan, I just know his name from the card."  
  
"The card?" Dennis spun around the side of the table to meet Maya at the other side, clutching her shoulders. "Think very, very carefully. Where did you last see the card?"  
  
Maya shrugged him off and took a step back, shaking her head. "God, what's gotten into you? All this excitement over a CARD. It swept off the table and onto the floor while you were flapping in and out of the office."  
  
"And it was vacuumed up?" David concluded in a panic.  
  
"NO. I picked it up and put it in your pigeon hole."  
  
"My pigeon hole?"  
  
"Yes, that little slot where we put your papers and your letters and your cards that drop onto the floor," Maya replied sarcastically, pointing to his pigeonhole. "Look, it's right at the top."  
  
Dennis glanced back and heaved a tremendous sigh of relief when he saw a small white business card sitting at the top of the pile in his pigeonhole. He held Maya's shoulders again.  
  
"Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU," he said gratefully, shaking her shoulders gently. "I could just kis...I could just - just shake your hand!"  
  
He whirled around Maya and went behind the table once again to retrieve the card, leaving Maya dazed and confused. She shrugged and decided to let his excitement slide. "I'm off to do an interview. Don't forget, we have a meeting in a couple of hours."  
  
"I've already got it written down!" he called after her. Once she was out of his sight, he picked up his pen from the floor and scribbled into his daily planner 'Meeting', mumbling the word as he wrote it. He slid the business card out of his pigeonhole and held it between his fingers, staring at it with another sigh. His excitement withered away. Ethan. He hadn't wanted to hear that name again. The mere mention of the name conjured up thoughts and memories that he'd been trying to bury. He'd been to the Blush offices. He'd come to see him after...after everything. And he'd left his card. Now that Dennis had the card in his hands, he couldn't pretend that he didn't exist. His name was there, printed in black ink across the tasteful white card: Ethan Corrigan.  
  
"You had to come back NOW, didn't you, Ethan?" he said aloud, stuffing the card into his pocket. He took his pen once more and tried to continue working but after a matter of seconds he was rubbing his nose again, his stress multiplied by the reappearance of the man he'd been trying to forget about. He knew Ethan would be expecting his call, and he was tempted to throw the card away, but he couldn't – partly out of courtesy and partly out of curiosity. What did he want? He had to know. He WANTED to know.  
  
The clock ticked on – 1...2...3...2...3...2...3... 


	2. hi honey, i'm home

Andrew 'Andy' Reed heard Dennis's keyring jingling at the door and lifted himself off the couch to open it for him, almost knocking the fish and chips off the coffee table in the process. As Dennis juggled his keys, his bag and the mail he'd collected from downstairs in his hands, he smiled at Andrew and nodded in appreciation, and then shuffled inside, kicking the door closed behind him. The expression on his face and the way his hair sat on his head after being clawed through by Dennis's fingers were a sure indication that he was not only exhausted but had something bothering him. Andrew picked up on it straight away.  
  
"Oh, hey, you got some grub on the way home," Dennis said as he sat his bag at the foot of the couch and tossed the keyring onto the coffee table. "You're a lifesaver."  
  
"You don't look like you're in the mood to cook," Andrew observed while taking the mail from Dennis's hand. "Dig in. I hired out some movies as well – are you up for a good flick?"  
  
"I don't know...it depends on how I feel after I hit the shower."  
  
"Tough day, huh?" Andy said sympathetically. Dennis shook his head and rolled his eyes in frustration.  
  
"You have NO idea," he replied, peeling off his jacket and walking towards the bathroom.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it when you come out?"  
  
"Yeah, okay."  
  
Andy flipped through the mail as he sat on the couch. "Bill, bill, junk, junk, more junk...ooh!" He spotted an envelope with a Utah stamp in the corner. It could only be from his parents – he didn't know anyone else residing in Utah. He slid one leg beneath his butt and rested his arm against the back of the couch, then settled in to read the letter. A smile formed on his face when reading about his father's never-ending verbal war with his neighbour and his mother's selfless participation in every organizing committee under the sun. It was unfortunate that they lived with such a great distance between them. They had an annual reunion but it wasn't the same as having them around almost all the time. He'd lived with his parents in New York from birth until high school – where he and Dennis had met. They'd been good friends but lost touch when Andy's family moved to Utah and Andy went out on his own. He'd lived in Miami, Chicago and Washington before returning to New York permanently. For a few months he'd stayed in New York on his own until the realization hit him that he'd underestimated the hefty expenses of renting an apartment in the city.  
  
However, he didn't want to be forced to move again, and the search for a roommate began. The search couldn't have been timelier; Dennis had just split with his model wife and the living arrangement with his workmate Elliott had been unsuccessful to say the least. In desperation for a place to live, Dennis replied to the ad that Andy had placed in one of the city's newspapers. They had a happy reunion and had no hesitations in organizing for Dennis to move into the apartment with Andy. It had been a pleasant arrangement and both men were enjoying making up for lost time.  
  
Andy had re-read the letter twice and reminisced just as much by the time Dennis emerged from the bathroom. He'd washed his hair and changed out of his work clothes, and was now dressed in a loose blue t-shirt and a pair of khaki pants. As he strode towards the couch, Andy held out the letter from his parents.  
  
"I heard from my folks," he said cheerily. "They're coming to New York in a few weeks to see me. I'm not sure if they'd remember you from high school, though."  
  
"I don't come into this; I'll stay out of your way while they're here," Dennis replied, skimming the letter and handing it back to Andy, now curled up in the couch with his knees against his chest. The headache that had started that morning had increased in intensity, and he lowered his forehead to his knees while closing his eyes. Andy regarded him with worry and gently squeezed his shoulder.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, not quite sure what 'it' was but assuming it was something to do with work. Dennis lifted his head and pulled Ethan's business card from his pocket, fondling it between the balls of his fingers.  
  
"Ethan's back," he said softly. Andy's eyes widened with surprise.  
  
"You're kidding, right?"  
  
"I wish I was. He came into my office while I was out and he left me his card." He handed the card to Andy, who read it quickly and sneered.  
  
"You didn't see him?"  
  
"No, but Nina did."  
  
"Did she say anything? Or more importantly, did HE say anything?"  
  
"Not that I know of." Dennis took the card back from Andy and stared at it, exhaling deeply. "Well, obviously he's expecting me to call him."  
  
"He's got the gaul to come crawling back after what he did?"  
  
"He might not be 'crawling back'. I don't know what he wants."  
  
"Are you going to call him?"  
  
Dennis shrugged, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "I don't know, Andy, I honestly can't answer that. If he's waiting for me to call then it'd be pretty rude to leave him waiting."  
  
Andy guffawed. "I wouldn't be kind and courteous to him if he did to ME what he did to YOU."  
  
"God, you make it sound like he bashed me or something!"  
  
"He broke your heart! I distinctly remember you and I sitting on this very couch talking about him. You had tears goin' down your face, Dennis."  
  
Dennis fell silent, a tidal wave of thoughts crashing around in his head. He remembered that night as well, and like all of his memories of Ethan, he'd tried to push it to the back of his mind. But now that Andy had brought it back up, he could picture that night – the tears he shed and the heartache he felt, clutching Ethan's letter in his hand. He didn't know why he'd kept that letter. It was hidden away somewhere in the old shoeboxes on the top shelf of his cupboard. Out of sight, out of mind...or so he thought. He was experiencing feelings he never wanted to know of again. Part of him, he admitted, still cared for Ethan, but the heartbreak was overpowering.  
  
"I want to talk to him, Andy," he finally announced, leaning forward and sitting his chin on his fist while staring at a blank space on the wall. "I want to know from him, face-to-face, why he did what he did. I want an honest answer from him. I only know what he wrote in the letter and that's not enough. I want to know what I did wrong to make him cheat on me. As soon as I have the answers I want, then I can leave – we can carry on with our lives like it never happened."  
  
Andy shook his head, his hand returning to Dennis's shoulder. "YOU'LL at least try to do that, but I don't think he's too willing to do that. He doesn't want to get in touch with you only to justify his disloyalty to you and his fleeing the city. He could always send another letter if he wanted to do that."  
  
"Do you think he wants to get back together?" Dennis asked softly, looking down at his hands.   
  
"Yeah, I think he does. Don't do anything that'll get his hopes up." When Dennis didn't respond straight away, he crinkled his eyebrows and craned his neck to look closer at him. "Do you still love him?"  
  
"There's a part of me that always will, Andy. I don't want anything else from him right now except a face-to-face explanation. I don't want to get hurt again."  
  
"I know you don't. That's why I know you'll make the right decision." They sat in silence for a moment or two until Andy slapped his hands on his thighs. "Alright, let's eat this food and get one of the flicks going. A night on the couch, how does that sound to you?"  
  
Dennis attempted a smile and nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks."  
  
-----  
  
Dennis didn't last until the end of the movie. He was so drained that he fell asleep three-quarters into 'Mission: Impossible', his head nestled against Andy's shoulder. When the movie ended Andy carefully guided Dennis into a lying position on the couch and slid a pillow beneath his head. He began to walk towards his bedroom but he glanced back one more time. His eyes fell on Ethan's business card that Dennis had left sitting on the coffee table. He crept back and picked it up, tapping its sides with his fingers, before carrying it to the trashcan and throwing it in. He'd seen what the break-up had done to his friend and he didn't want to let this Ethan guy hurt him again. He knew Dennis well enough to know that the situation couldn't be put to rest simply by demanding an explanation. He would become caught up in it all over again; it would only do him more harm than good. He had enough on his plate as it was without Ethan reappearing on the scene and messing around with his feelings.  
  
It wasn't just Dennis's feelings Andy was thinking of, either. It was also his own feelings for Dennis. 


	3. fancy seeing you here

The following day's weather was wet and blustery, which didn't do much to help Dennis's mood. After a run-of-the-mill morning at the office, his day was brightened slightly when a friend, Nick, dropped in to invite him to lunch. They hailed a taxi and traveled across town to one of Nick's favourite cafés, and Dennis was able to forget about Ethan's return and enjoy himself. At least for a while. Nick chose to bring up the subject as Dennis was taking a sip of his drink.  
  
"Did you hear about Ethan?"  
  
Dennis's throat automatically tightened. He quickly swallowed the drink and gave a little cough, sitting the glass on the table. "What about Ethan?"  
  
Nick shrugged. "I thought you would've known about his return by now."  
  
"I found out yesterday," Dennis replied quickly, opening the menu to provide distraction and avoid eye contact with Nick.   
  
"So...how do you feel about it?" Nick asked.  
  
"Christ, you're the fourth person that's asked me that in the last four hours!" Dennis exclaimed testily. "He's just come back to New York. That's it. And for some reason everyone seems to be expecting my world to be falling apart or something!"  
  
"I made no such expectation," Nick said calmly. "I just know you two have history, that's all."  
  
"ANCIENT history."  
  
"It's not that ancient. It was only a couple of years ago."  
  
"I'm making it ancient history," Dennis said briskly, refusing to look up from the menu. Nick folded his arms on the table and looked at Dennis patiently. Dennis slowly raised his eyes to him, then closed the menu and placed it on the table. He closed his hands together and turned his attention to Nick.  
  
"I'm fine," he assured him. "I was worried when I first found out, but I'm fine now."  
  
"You're fine now?" Nick repeated.  
  
"Absolutely. I don't know what he's doing here, nor do I care."  
  
"Well, while we're not caring, I spoke to him this morning," Nick reported with a slight smirk, knowing that Dennis would immediately go back on his word.  
  
"What'd he have to say for himself?" Dennis asked, then added quickly, "No, no, I don't care, I don't," saying this to convince himself more than to convince Nick. However, Nick knew better than that.   
  
"Oh, you know, this and that," he replied, taunting his friend lightheartedly. "He told me where he's living, who he's photographing, who he's desperate to get in touch with – the details aren't important, of course."  
  
"Nope. Not important."  
  
Dennis plunged his fork into his meal, loudly tapping on the plate. Nick knew Dennis was following what he was saying perfectly but wasn't going to poke or prod it – because that would mean that he cared, and as he said so convincingly, he DIDN'T care.  
  
"Not important," Dennis mumbled to himself before shoveling his food into his mouth. He shook his head firmly.  
  
After a moment's silence Dennis insisted that they change the subject. As he chattered on about work, Andy and life in general, Nick listened patiently, sat back in his chair and ran his finger around the mouth of his glass, thinking, 'Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.'  
  
-----  
  
Nick and Dennis parted ways after their meal, promising each-other that they'd be in touch. Nick's office was a few blocks from Dennis's but Nick had to pick up something for his boss and it was completely out of the way. Dennis traveled back across town by himself, consumed in his private thoughts. He secretly cursed Nick for bringing up Ethan in their conversation and agitating him when he'd been trying to put the situation out of his mind. He'd had to discuss it with three people in the last four hours – four people including Nick, and five including Andy, but his conversation with Andy had been brief that morning as he'd rushed out the door.  
  
"Don't think about Ethan," Andy had warned him.  
  
"Gee, thanks for reminding me to forget. Greatly appreciated," Dennis had called over his shoulder before shutting the door behind him.  
  
His friends meant well, he knew that. But he'd hoped for a bit of sensitivity from them. When each person brought it up they cocked their heads and looked at him like they were expecting him to crumble. He wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of knowing that Ethan's reappearance was bothering him. At the same time, he didn't want to allow himself to feel so uneasy about it, but with every mention of his name his body experienced an odd shiver.  
  
He began to wonder why it WAS bothering him so much. New York City was quite a large place. He was able to co-exist in the city with people he didn't like or didn't want to speak with. Surely he'd be able to avoid any interaction with Ethan if he was careful...?  
  
"OK, you're back at work, Finch," he thought as the taxi pulled up outside his building. "Keep your personal problems at home. You're here to do your job. Concentrate on that, and then hopefully when five o'clock rolls around he'll be completely out of your mind."  
  
It was raining heavily by then. Dennis wrapped his leather jacket tighter over his chest and fumbled through his wallet for money to pay for the fare. He didn't have correct change so he thrust a bill into the taxi driver's hand. He wanted to move into the shelter but he had to wait for the driver to find the correct change, which took longer than it should have. By the time his change had been handed to him and he scuttled for shelter, pushing through the doors of the building, his clothes were wet and his hair was a matted blonde mess on his head. His shoes made a squishing sound as he walked towards the elevator, and when he walked past a mirror he halted and examined his appearance, pulling a face.  
  
"Woah, what a babe!" he said sarcastically to his reflection, shaking his fingers through his hair and wiping the raindrops from his face. His lunch hour had finished, which meant he couldn't rush to the bathroom to fix himself up, so he'd have to do it when he got to the Blush offices.  
  
The elevator quickly transported him to his requested floor. The doors slid open and he walked to his desk with perfect composure despite being aware that his wet appearance would surely draw attention to himself. The rain on his skin was making him cold so he strode across the office to prepare a fresh, hot cup of coffee for himself. As he opened the cupboards in search of a coffee mug, Jack Gallo opened his office door and walked towards Dennis with an attractive man by his side.  
  
"Dennis, I was hoping you'd be back!" he said as he reached Dennis. "The photographer for next month's feature is here to take some shots. You'll look after him, won't you?"  
  
Dennis turned around casually to face his boss and the photographer, but froze upon seeing whom this photographer was. The man seemed just as surprised to see him. He was medium height with thick, smooth brown hair and bright blue eyes. He had beautiful white skin, fair-sized muscles and slight dimples. Once their eyes met they couldn't break away, staring at each-other intensely. Dennis's heart thumped.  
  
"Ethan," Dennis whispered. 


	4. confrontation

Dennis wondered if his mind was playing games with him. The subject of his anxiety was standing directly in front of him. His mental rehearsals of how he'd behave and what he'd say were instantly forgotten. His tongue turned to sandpaper, his face felt hot and his mind swirled - and all just by meeting eyes with Ethan. He quickly licked his lips and thought of something to say that would break the silence.  
  
"You're back."  
  
'Oh, VERY clever,' he thought. 'Give yourself a pat on the back for THAT one.'  
  
Jack was detecting Dennis's discomfort but wasn't sure what on earth it meant. He shifted his gaze between them and asked, "You two know each-other?"  
  
Dennis silently warned Ethan not to blurt out the nature of their previous relationship, but thankfully Ethan remembered that nobody in the Blush HQ knew about it and replied, "We were friends a while back." He studied Dennis's appearance. "You've grown your hair."  
  
"Ah, yeah," Dennis replied, suddenly feeling self-conscious of his blonde locks and running a tense hand over it.  
  
Ethan nodded slowly. "You look good."  
  
Dennis blushed and broke eye contact, staring into the empty mug in his hand. Jack took the silence as his cue to leave and he cleared his throat.  
  
"Well, I have to make a few phone calls. Ethan, if you have any questions, just ask Dennis. Elliott should be along in a few minutes," he promised.  
  
Dennis almost called Jack back but his mouth didn't move. He watched Jack disappear into his office, then fully realised he was alone with Ethan - and suddenly hardened, giving Ethan a cold stare before turning his back to prepare his coffee. Ethan repositioned himself at Dennis's side and waited patiently. Dennis kept him waiting while be poured hot water into the mug.  
  
"So how have you been?" Ethan made the first move.  
  
"Fine," Dennis replied, trying to sound indifferent. "You?"  
  
"I've been okay."  
  
"Why did you come back?" Dennis asked, unable to restrain himself.  
  
"I kept in touch with my boss when I left. He told me a position had opened and…I decided it was time to come back."  
  
"Oh, it was time to come back," Dennis mimicked sarcastically.  
  
Ethan bit his lip. "I take it that you're mad."  
  
"Does that surprise you?" Dennis asked testily.  
  
Ethan paused and then replied honestly, "No, it doesn't." He raised his hand and gently wound a strand of Dennis's rainsoaked hair around his index finger. "I was hoping you'd be over it by now."  
  
Dennis slapped his hand away and glared at him. "You've got some nerve!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me!" Dennis growled. "You think you can just waltz back into town and everything would be okay?"  
  
"What would be okay?" Elliott asked as he walked towards them. Dennis immediately looked away from Ethan and busied himself with his coffee. Ethan toyed with his earlobe and shuffled his feet.  
  
"Nothing," he mumbled. "Don't worry about it."  
  
Elliot shrugged and extended his hand to Ethan. "You must be Ethan Corrigan. Did I keep you waiting very long?"  
  
Ethan gave Elliott a friendly smile and shook his hand warmly. "Oh, only a few minutes, it's no big deal. What say we make a start straight away?"  
  
"Sounds good." Elliott placed his hand on the small of Ethan's back and steered him in the direction of the photo room. Dennis took his cup of coffee and started moving towards his desk when Ethan whispered to him in passing, "I need to talk to you."  
  
"Shut up," Dennis hissed, and turned his head sharply. He briskly walked away with as much composure as he could muster, being careful not to spill his coffee over the edge of its mouth. Ethan watched him for as long as he could until Elliott gently pushed him through the photo room door. Dennis sat his coffee on the only part of his desk that wasn't covered by papers and, without missing a step, went around the corner and into an empty hallway. Once he was sure nobody would see him, he kicked the nearest garbage can viciously, sending its contents sprawling onto the carpet. He growled at himself and leant his elbow against the wall, leaning his forehead against his fist and closing his eyes. Damnit! He didn't want Ethan to have ANY indication of his upset, but he'd completely blown it by his harshness. He was angry and hurt but he wanted Ethan to think he had coped well and was getting on with his life happily, so that he'd think Dennis had no place in his life or in his heart left for him. Now what was he going to think? Dennis had let his emotions take control of him, and this was how he got himself into trouble so often.   
  
He spent the next hour and a half immersed in his work, determined not to let anyone catch a glimpse of the frustration brewing inside him. It wasn't an easy task considering that Ethan was in the same office, but he thought he was coping well under the certain pressure. When he heard Elliott and Ethan emerging from the photo room, engaged in a pleasant conversation, he kept his head down and pretended not to notice them, and as they moved towards him he thought pleadingly, 'Please don't talk to me, please don't talk to me'. But the Gods were not granting his wishes that day. When Elliott said goodbye to Ethan and asked him to stay in touch, Ethan stood a metre away from Dennis's desk precariously, personally divided between trying to talk to Dennis or simply walking away. He chose the former and approached the front of his desk. Dennis didn't look up, writing frantically on a notepad.  
  
"You have every right to be mad," Ethan said in a confidential but soft tone. "I don't blame you. I suddenly turned up without giving you a chance to think about things."  
  
"I've been thinking."   
  
"You have?"  
  
"Yeah." Dennis raised his head. "I think you should go."  
  
"Dennis…" Ethan looked desperately at him. He began to move his hand towards Dennis but stopped himself. "We need to talk. I need to talk, at least. I suppose I owe you an explanation."  
  
Dennis waited for a moment before saying, "Yeah, you do."  
  
"Look, are you doing anything after you finish work?"  
  
"Ethan," Dennis began warningly, dragging his name out and raising his eyebrows.  
  
"I just want to be able to sit down with you and talk to you about things," Ethan continued. "I'm sure you have things that you want to say to me, so why not take this opportunity to say them?"  
  
Dennis seriously considered this proposal. He hated to admit it, but Ethan was right - he had a lot that he wanted to get off his chest, and a lot of questions that needed to be answered. Perhaps after tonight he'd no longer be left wondering about things. They'd meet somewhere, get everything out in the open, and then they'd part ways…there was no harm in that, was there? He wondered if he was going against his better judgement before deciding he wasn't. He'd be in control. He wouldn't allow anything to happen that he didn't want. He'd say his piece, have his questions answered and then leave. Good. Great.   
  
"Alright," he finally gave in, about which Ethan was pleased. "But let's just get one thing straight. Agreeing to go out with you tonight doesn't mean I like you, you got that?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I got that. Where do you want to go?"  
  
"I really don't care."  
  
"Okay. See you in a few hours."  
  
Dennis watched Ethan walk to the elevator and step inside. Once the doors were closed Dennis gnawed on his bottom lip and wondered if he'd made a mistake in allowing Ethan to convince him to go out with him after work. He was worried that, once they started discussing what they'd had together and what had gone wrong, his emotions would fail him and he'd make an already difficult situation even worse. While he wanted to hear what Ethan had to say, he was afraid to, simply because he knew he would feel hurt. He was finding himself having to cope with such a large predicament in such a short time. He wasn't prepared to deal with what was hitting him so rapidly, and consequently he felt weak.  



	5. confrontation part deux

"Okay," Dennis began as he sat down opposite from Ethan at a table situated in a far corner of a café, not far from the Blush offices. His hand closed around the handle of the jug of water placed at the center of the table seconds before their arrival and reached for a glass sitting nearby. "I agreed to come out with you for one reason and one reason only. Let's skip the pleasantries and get down to business."  
  
"What's your rush?" Ethan asked, drumming his fingers on the glass table. "We've got plenty of time."  
  
"I HAVEN'T got plenty of time. I have things to do at home."  
  
"So where is home nowadays?"  
  
"I'm living with a friend in his apartment."  
  
"Oh…you're living with another guy?" Ethan asked. "Are you seeing him?"  
  
Dennis scoffed, shaking his head disbelievingly. "It's none of your business who I see, but no. We're just good friends."  
  
"Hey, I was just asking, alright?" Ethan said defensively.  
  
"Don't ask. Can we just do what we're here to do?" Dennis knew he was getting himself worked up and breathed in deeply to steady his nerves, looking around the café uneasily. Their meeting had already gotten off to a bad start and he wasn't sure if he wanted to stick around and wait for things to get worse.  
  
Ethan surprised him by gazing at him disappointedly and briefly touching the sleeve of his jacket. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me, Dennis."  
  
Dennis shook his head and returned his attention to Ethan, giving him a small shrug. "I can't help it," he said honestly. His voice sounded like he felt - tired and emotional. He also felt a little guilty because he could tell that Ethan was making an effort and HE was being snappy and generally uncooperative. He was wasting both of their time and he didn't want to waste a second. If he wanted this meeting to be successful, he had to put something in to get something out. He forced the corners of his lips to curl into a slight smile and added, "I'll try. It isn't easy, you know."  
  
Ethan seemed relieved with Dennis's change in attitude and relaxed a little. "Yeah, I know. I understand. Hey, thanks for agreeing to come along, by the way."  
  
"Well, you may not be so grateful when we're done," Dennis warned him seriously. "What we're going to discuss isn't pleasant."  
  
"Right." Ethan slightly squirmed. "So do you want to start?"  
  
"Yeah, okay. I want you to be completely honest with me, Ethan. If I detect the slightest hint of a lie, then I'll get up and leave." Dennis folded his hands together on the table and paused for a short moment before launching his first question - "Where and when did you meet James?" referring to the man Ethan had cheated on Dennis with.  
  
"I met him at a club nine months into our relationship."  
  
"Which club?"  
  
"Ah…Z…Zealous, yeah."  
  
"Where was I that night?"  
  
"You were helping your boss with something back at the office. I can't recall what you were doing."  
  
"Did you sleep with him that night?" Dennis's jaw tightened.   
  
"You and I both got home at eleven."  
  
"BEFORE eleven," Dennis elaborated.  
  
"Well…"  
  
"Don't lie."  
  
"Yeah, I did. In the men's room." Ethan's posture was slumping further and further with every question being fired at him.  
  
"Did you tell him about me?"  
  
"Not that night, no."  
  
"When?" Dennis asked quickly, fighting on the inside to remain composed.  
  
"A few weeks later."  
  
"What did he say when you told him?"  
  
"He said he didn't care. He wanted to keep seeing me."  
  
"…Why did you keep seeing him?"  
  
Before Ethan could answer, a tall-haired, long-limbed waitress strutted to their table and gave them an insincere smile. "Are you going to order?"  
  
"Ah, no, not just yet," Ethan replied. "Can we call you when we're ready?"  
  
The waitress wrinkled her nose, muttered, "Sure" and sauntered off. Ethan watched her leave and smirked.   
  
"What's up with her? She's probably not getting enough tips or something," he commented, looking at Dennis. But Dennis didn't crack a smile - he sat staring at Ethan with one leg crossed over the other and the top leg slightly bouncing. Ethan's face promptly fell. "What?"  
  
"I'm waiting for an answer. Why did you keep seeing him?" Dennis's voice level hadn't changed since the questioning had begun, with extreme control. Ethan thought about this for a few moments, knitting his eyebrows. He wasn't sure how to explain it to himself, let alone to Dennis. Eventually he looked Dennis straight in the eye and said as honestly as possible, "I don't know."  
  
"You don't know?" Dennis gritted his teeth.  
  
"Well, I know, but…I can't explain it."  
  
"Start trying."  
  
"I…He…You said you wanted the truth. I was attracted to him. You and I had been rubbing each-other the wrong way, figuratively speaking, and, well…I wanted to try something new with someone else. That spark that we once had, over time, had disappeared."  
  
"And you found this spark in James?" Dennis guessed.  
  
"Not the same sort of spark, no. That's why I broke it off with him."  
  
"When did you break it off?"  
  
"A week before I left. He didn't take it well. I didn't want you to know and he said that unless I kept seeing him, he'd find you and tell you everything. I would've wanted the news to come from me rather than from a stranger."  
  
"Alright. Let me piece this together so far. I stayed back at work and you went out to a club. You had sex in the men's room with a guy you'd met just that night. You saw him behind my back for three months until you broke it off because of some 'lack of spark'." Dennis wasn't sparing the sarcasm in the 'lack of spark' comment. "And yet you didn't have the guts to tell me."  
  
"I didn't want to hurt you!" Ethan insisted.   
  
"Running away and leaving me without a clue instead of being honest with me and telling me face-to-face hurt me a hell of a lot more!" Dennis leant forward slightly.  
  
"I know…"  
  
Dennis sat back in his chair and fought back the rage building up inside him. "So what was with the letter? You couldn't even CALL?"  
  
"You know how some people can express themselves easier in letters rather than in phone calls?"  
  
"Yeah. You know what they're called? Cowards."  
  
"Dennis, every word I said in that letter was one hundred percent true!"  
  
"And why should I believe that?"  
  
"I've been honest in answering all your other questions, haven't I?" Ethan took a shaky breath and looked at Dennis pleadingly. "Can I please tell you what I want to tell you?"  
  
"Well…alright, go ahead, I'm listening." Dennis's head was pounding violently but he summoned all the control he had left to remain seated and listen to what Ethan wanted to say - after all, Ethan had sat through his interrogation. The least he could do was offer the same courtesy.   
  
Ethan said nothing for a brief moment, then reached out and covered Dennis's hands with his own before Dennis could jolt them back. His touch was so gentle that Dennis simply left them there.   
  
"I should never have done what I did," Ethan began softly. "I should have come back and explained everything to you earlier but…I was too ashamed of myself that I didn't want to face you and have YOU feeling so ashamed of me. You were right; I was a coward. If I could turn back time to that night, I'd make sure that I completely avoided that club. Because of that night I made the biggest mistake of my life…the mistake that would cost me the person that's meant more to me than anyone else in the world."  
  
"Ethan…"  
  
"Please, let me finish. For that entire time that I was away I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wanted to call but I hated the thought of hurting you even more. I was stupid, Dennis. I should've come back and faced the music straight away. But instead I hid. I was afraid of the shame I would feel if I came back and saw the same look in your eyes, the same sad and hurt look, that you're giving me right now. Seeing you like this is breaking my heart. And I know I broke YOUR heart by not being honest to you, and especially not being true to you in the first place. But I've learned from my mistakes. I didn't appreciate what I had until I didn't have it anymore. I…I've come back to tell you that I'm so, so sorry for hurting you. I know just SAYING sorry isn't good enough, but please tell me what I need to do to make it up to you. I'll do anything." Dennis opened his mouth to speak but Ethan went on. "I know, I'm putting too much on you. This is probably very difficult for you to deal with, especially only after two days. But I want to say all of this while you're here. And I couldn't let this opportunity go without telling you something else, either…"  
  
"No." Dennis took his hands away. "Don't say it, Ethan."  
  
"…I love you, Dennis. I never stopped loving you, not even when I cheated on you with James. That wasn't love; it wasn't even CLOSE. The only time I've ever known love has been with you. I am NOTHING if not yours."  
  
For what must have been ten seconds but felt like an hour, Dennis stared at his former lover with such strong conflicting emotions hitting him all that once that it almost floored him. His heart executed flips in his chest and his mind whirled frantically. He couldn't think of a single thing to say. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, opened it, then closed it, like a goldfish.   
  
'SPEAK, God Damnit!' a voice inside him screamed - the only voice capable of talking. Suddenly the frenzy stopped, his head became clearer and he found his power of speech again.  
  
"No," he said shakily, pushing back his chair and lifting himself onto his feet, knocking over his glass as he did so but ignoring it in his distress. "Don't do this to me, Ethan. I can't..."  
  
"Dennis, wait!" Ethan jumped up and held out his hands, attempting to keep Dennis in one place, but Dennis looked down at the floor and barged past him, walking hurriedly towards the café door that opened out onto the street. He shoved the door open and stepped outside, the bell above the door dinging merrily. He heard Ethan calling for him but he couldn't turn around, couldn't speak - he just walked as briskly as he could, weaving his way through the crowds. He had to get as far away from Ethan as possible. He wanted answers, he wanted Ethan to be honest with him - but the last thing he wanted was for Ethan to tell him that he loved him.   



	6. photographs and reflections

"Andy?" Dennis called upon entering the apartment, tearing off his jacket and dumping it carelessly over the back of the couch. He checked his watch - 8:30pm. He'd gone out with Ethan at five, left the café in a panic at 5:20 and spent the rest of the time wandering aimlessly up and down the hectic streets of NYC. His hands were shoved deep into his trouser pockets, his jacket was flapping behind him and his head was hung low. He was lost in his own private thoughts and wouldn't interact with anyone - but then again, barely anyone fully interacted with each other on the streets. They shuffled along like zombies. Eye contact was made and acknowledging nods were present but little else. To the people that passed him as he walked, he was no different to anybody else, but only because most others were lost in THEIR thoughts too. If he'd been elsewhere then just about anyone would've been able to detect his distress.  
  
He craned his neck around the doorframe to Andy's bedroom and called for him again. As he did so, Andy emerged from the kitchen with a wine glass clutched in his hand, looking slightly annoyed.  
  
"Were you working overtime?" he asked as he approached, preparing to get angry that Dennis hadn't called to let him know that he wouldn't be there for dinner. Andy had eaten what he could of the meal and thrown out the rest; he couldn't keep it wrapped up otherwise it would go bad. But when Dennis turned to face him, his annoyance was promptly forgotten about when he saw the expression on his friend's face.  
  
"I'm sorry, I know I should've called," Dennis began to apologise.  
  
"Dennis, what happened?" Andy asked, automatically touching Dennis's arm. "Is it Ethan?"  
  
Dennis sighed loudly and pressed the palms of his hands over his eyes. "Did he purposely come back to mess me up or what?" he wondered aloud. He dropped his hands to his sides. "He turned up at work today."  
  
Andy grunted. "You threw him out, I trust."  
  
"Well, I was angry at him at first…but he came over and talked to me, and he talked me into going out with him after work."  
  
"Jesus Christ! Dennis-"  
  
"I only agreed to go so I could get some answers from him and try to fill in some blanks. So we went to this little café near the Blush HQ."  
  
"What did he have to say for himself?"  
  
"He told what I wanted to know…then he said how sorry he was for doing what he did, and especially for skipping town and not facing up to it." Dennis closed his eyes tightly. "He said he loves me."  
  
Andy's eyebrows shot up. "He doesn't love you," he said immediately.   
  
Dennis shook his head and shrugged, running his fingers through his hair. "He sounded so honest and sincere. I told him to be honest with me. But God, I don't want him to love me. I don't want him to feel ANYTHING for me."  
  
"And why's that?"  
  
"Well…" Dennis faltered for a brief second. "It's easier for me to pretend that he doesn't love me. I can get on with life much better if I don't have to worry about how I'M supposed to feel about this whole thing." Dennis took Andy's wine glass from his hand and drank its contents in one go. "He could've lied if he'd wanted to, but I know he wasn't. I think I'd prefer him to lie. I mean, how could be come back after everything he's done and say that he LOVES me? How can he do that?"  
  
"Ah, Dennis…doesn't drinking wine really fast give you a headache?" Andy held him by both shoulders. "Now listen to me. You're a very lovable person. You can really piss people off when you want to, but those who can put up with that love you. But you're also very vulnerable. Ethan doesn't love you. Do you think he would've cheated on you if he did? He majorly screwed up and now he's trying to make up for being the biggest jerk on the face of the earth, and he's telling you he loves you out of a guilty conscience. You deserve so much better than that, man. Don't let him trick you into feeling anything for him again. Promise me that you'll stay away from him."  
  
"I've tried!" Dennis insisted, beginning to pace the room back and forth. "I snapped at him today when I first saw him. After that I swore I'd make him keep his distance. But then he came and spoke to me, and I looked at him and he was trying very hard. He feels bad for what he did."  
  
"Of course he does. But he doesn't feel bad because he hurt you. He feels bad because he realised he simply can't have two guys at the same time, and now he's left with nobody but himself."  
  
Dennis could feel the strength he'd had to build up over the last two days beginning to slip away. He stood by the window looking out over the city and pressed the side of his head against the glass, folding his arms tightly. He felt tears brewing and fought them back. "If he didn't care about me anymore, why didn't he come out and say so?" he asked mournfully. "Why didn't he tell me when I wasn't doing something right? Then I would've been a better boyfriend and he wouldn't have gone and-"  
  
"Dennis, stop." Andy strode across the room, sitting his glass on a table as he passed, and stood by Dennis's side. "Don't think about it. You're making yourself even more upset. Look, you've had a big day…you're very tired. Why don't you have a hot shower and turn in early? Think about it when you've had some rest and your head is clearer." Dennis opened his mouth to protest but Andy pressed his finger against his lips, silencing him. "No excuses. I won't accept them." He gave his friend a small smile and said gently, "I'll be in my room. If you need to talk, just come in, okay?"  
  
Dennis nodded. "Okay." He began walking away but surprised Andy by turning back and wrapping his arms around him in a grateful hug. "Thanks, Andy. Sorry you have to put up with all this shit."  
  
"Hey, what are friends for, right?" Andy's smile widened and he returned the hug, rubbing Dennis's back supportively. Dennis didn't remember having needed a comforting hug in quite a while, and this one made him feel better, though not by much - just enough to get him through the night, until he could think about it in the morning. As usual, Andy knew when Dennis needed a rest. He was thankful to have him there when he needed him.  
  
They went their separate ways from the window - Dennis to the bathroom and Andy to his bedroom. Andy left the door slightly ajar and sat on the foot of his bed, lifting one foot onto the mattress and sitting his hand on his knee. He was feeling quite tired as well but wasn't ready to go to bed yet, so he turned his head to the window and enjoyed the peace his bedroom held. Compared to the cacophony of sounds on the streets nearby, he was a million miles away. Not unusually, he thought of Dennis, not only of his situation with Ethan but also of how he personally felt about his friend. When Dennis had wrapped him in that hug, he felt a strong desire to cup his face in his hands and kiss him. This was a familiar desire that he'd experienced since they were reunited and as time went on, the challenge of suppressing it was becoming more and more difficult. At first he thought his feelings were simply due to the excitement of seeing his old pal again, but soon he realised that it was genuine attraction. But he was holding himself back from making Dennis aware of it, besides the odd hint here and there, which were usually brushed off. Most people Andy knew thought that Dennis was 'an annoying little twerp', to take the most FLATTERING quote of those he'd heard, but he'd never thought of his friend that way. Sometimes he could be patronizing, crude and quite excitable (not often at the same time), but since they'd moved in together Andy had gotten to know a side of Dennis that very few were privileged enough to see, and this was the side that had attracted him in the first place. Bad jokes aside, he was genuinely sweet and never neglected his friends.   
  
He'd heard Dennis speak of Ethan numerous times and the only time that they were mildly pleasant were when he reminisced about some of his fondest memories of their relationship. From the way Dennis generally spoke about him, Andy disliked him from the beginning and prayed that he'd never wander back into his life again. Now that his prayers hadn't been answered, Andy wanted to do whatever he could to support Dennis. He could already see that he was weakening, and the discussion he'd had with Ethan had only added more worries to an already-difficult situation. Andy could see that a little part of Dennis still cared for Ethan in some way. He was divided between his head and his heart; his heart was screaming the loudest, telling him to try and get Ethan out of his life for good, and FINALLY tell Dennis how he felt about him. But he couldn't do that just yet, not because he didn't want to be knocked back, but because Dennis's mind was completely on Ethan. Until Ethan was out of the picture, he knew he couldn't have Dennis. Even then he didn't want to manipulate the situation too much, because of the danger of getting himself into trouble and being caught up in the whole soap opera that was Dennis and Ethan. The best he could do right then was to try and steer Dennis in the right direction and get him to realise that Ethan was nothing but bad news - he'd screwed him over before and, given the opportunity, he would do it again. Dennis's heart was weakening and so was his better judgement…which worried Andy so much that he thought if he didn't do something soon, it could be too late - Dennis would foolishly take him back and Ethan would soon leave him feeling twice as hurt as before. Andy hated seeing him upset.  
  
-----  
  
Dennis entered his bedroom after his shower turned on the radio, going through the stations until he found something remotely bearable. He clicked on the light in his walk-in wardrobe and set about deciding on his attire for work the next day. As he slid items of clothing on coat hangers left and right, singing along softly to the music, a dark red shirt slid off its coat hanger and dropped. Dennis cursed and bent down to retrieve it, but as he picked it up he saw the spine of a navy blue book poking out from under a pile of random items he'd acquired over the years and had simply dumped them there for the lack of better places. He picked the book up with his spare hand and recognised it as a photo album containing every picture of him and Ethan together that he could find. The photos had previously been scattered throughout other photo albums, but when Ethan left he'd taken them all out, put them into one album and hidden it away. He couldn't work what had possessed him to keep this album but now that it sat in his hand he wanted to open it. He put the shirt back on its coat hanger, sat cross-legged on the floor and opened the album in his lap. The first page was made of paper, on which Dennis had scrawled in black ink, simply, "With Ethan". He turned the page and saw the very first photo ever taken of them together. It was a newspaper clipping from an event he'd attended with Jack. This event was where they'd first met. The photographer of the newspaper had captured Jack standing with his hand on his hip like a teapot and his chin high in the air, a triumphant grin on his face. In the background, clearly seen, were Dennis and Ethan sitting at a table enjoying a laugh. As he gazed at the picture his mind backtracked to that evening. He hadn't been having a good time, generally because the reason behind the event failed to appeal to him. He was sitting by himself, tapping his fingers on his glass, when Ethan approached him asking to sit down. Together they jeered at the event and made jokes about some of the people in attendance, mainly disgustingly rich businessmen. They'd taken an instant liking to each other and spent the rest of the night together. They'd exchanged phone numbers when it was over, and Dennis expected not to hear from him for at least a week. He could've been knocked over with a feather when Ethan called the following afternoon, inviting him out to dinner. The rest, of course, was history.  
  
Dennis took his time to go through the album, pausing to look at each photo and remembering when they were taken, what they'd been doing etc. He laughed at some and became sad at others. The final two photos in the album was the one that made him break. They were taken only seconds apart from each other by one of Ethan's friends at a party. The first photo captured them in a playful rumble as Ethan lifted him by the waist and Dennis was grabbing his hands. Both were laughing happily. The second showed Dennis sitting on Ethan's lap, stroking his hair and looking to the left as though being distracted by something, but keeping a smile on his face. Ethan had his arm wrapped around Dennis's waist and was kissing Dennis's cheek as he turned his head, his eyes closed blissfully.   
  
Dennis didn't realise he was crying until a single tear fell onto the thin, clear plastic that protected the photos. He looked towards the door and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, then slammed the book shut and held it down with his elbows. Back in the days when they were together, nothing had made him happier than knowing that he had Ethan's love. Now, only a few years later, the thought of Ethan loving him FRIGHTENED him. He hated admitting it to himself, but despite all that he'd gone through, he still slightly cared for him, and he didn't want this feeling. He wanted to despise him the way people expected him to. He understood that once someone experiences something so powerful as they had, that person never completely loses their feelings towards the other person. But he knew himself. He knew that if he wasn't very careful and didn't avoid Ethan completely, he'd let those feelings take over despite knowing better, and he held little doubt that he'd get hurt. The agony would be worse than before. He didn't trust Ethan, nor did he trust HIMSELF with him. No, he couldn't allow himself to enter any sort of position where he was at risk of having his heart re-broken. And his heart, he feared, would not be able to be repaired the second time around.   
  
He decided to leave Andy alone for the night, greatly appreciating the kindness and understanding of his friend but not wishing to burden him with his problems any further. He mopped up the last of his tears, that hadn't been very cathartic at all, and prepared for bed, figuring he'd quickly pick out his clothes the next morning. The only thing he wanted to do at that moment was curl up beneath a warm blanket and sleep. Hopefully when he awoke the following morning he'd be able to deal with the problem a lot better.  



	7. respite without rest

Three days came and went with respite from having to see or hear Ethan, but he'd still appear in many of Dennis's thoughts. He carried on with work as usual but he traveled from the apartment to Blush HQ and back without stopping by anywhere else. Jack, Nina and other fellow workmates detected something amiss when he rarely left the office during lunch breaks, but they collectively bit their tongues and refrained from asking Dennis what was happening. He kept to himself and only spoke when spoken to - which, everyone knew, was quite uncharacteristic. Those he worked with the most could only recall one other period when his behaviour was similar, and that was just over a year ago. They still hadn't found out just what went on. They discussed the matter amongst themselves but it otherwise went unmentioned.  
  
Andy was the friend that it was affecting the most, but instead of focusing on the situation he offered various distractions for the two of them in their apartment. However, Dennis would soon lose interest, excuse himself and go somewhere else within the apartment on his own. Andy tried to be understanding and sympathetic, as a good friend would, but by the third day he was almost pulling his hair out due to frustration. He'd been keeping his vow not to get too deeply involved in the problem, which was why he hadn't discussed it with Dennis. But when he emerged from the bathroom early in the evening and saw Dennis sprawled out on the couch, his head propped up on a pillow and his fingers entwined in a piece of string whilst making various shapes out of it, he went dangerously close to breaking his vow. He strode over to the couch and leant over his back to peer down at Dennis, who gave him a flicker of acknowledgement. Andy huffed.  
  
"I promised myself I wasn't going to say anything," he began, "but this shit with Ethan is affecting EVERYONE now, especially me."  
  
"What do you mean?" Dennis asked, staring at the string in his hands. Andy plucked it out of reach and shoved it into his back pocket. He pointed two fingers to Dennis's eyes and then to his own, demanding eye contact. When he had Dennis's attention, he carried on.  
  
"I mean the way you've been shuffling around for three days like a freakin' zombie! This isn't the Dennis Finch I fell - er, that I know."  
  
"I'm fine," Dennis said, lifting himself off the couch. Andy rolled his eyes.   
  
"Yeah, and i'm the Tooth Fairy. Listen to me, buddy." Andy stood in front of Dennis and shook him by the shoulders. "The real Dennis is in there somewhere! Bring him back to me! What have you done with him?"  
  
"I'm still me," Dennis insisted, lightly brushing him off. "I've just got a lot on my mind."  
  
"Well, allow your mind a LITTLE reprieve and come to Steve's housewarming party with me!" Andy scooped the invitation to this party from a nearby table and held it up for display. "I've already promised him that BOTH OF US will be there. Don't let him down. Come on, you need this party more than he does."  
  
Dennis rolled up his sleeves, slightly cringing. "Have I been that bad?"  
  
"I took a Polaroid of you last night, remember that? D, you look like a captain going down with his ship. It's not pretty. At least CONSIDER going with me."  
  
Dennis dropped his eyes to the floor and folded his arms. Andy had a knack for always being absolutely right. He'd been aware of his change in behaviour since he'd gone out with Ethan but hadn't realised how bad it had become. He had the same thoughts running through his mind over and over, but he was unable to reach any significant conclusions. He'd been functioning on Automatic Pilot. Now that he reflected on the three days that had past, he was embarrassed. No matter how big his problems often were, he wouldn't normally allow it to consume him this way. He'd been wandering around for three days and hadn't gotten anywhere. Maybe Andy's friend's housewarming party would do him some good - anything was better than going in circles.   
  
He looked up at Andy and nodded in defeat. "Alright. Lead on, McDuff."  
  
"Ayyy, there you are! Welcome back!" Andy's face brightened and he gently slapped his upper arm. "Grab your jacket, we're headin' out the door right now."  
  
"But I'm still in my work clothes," Ethan began to say, but Andy silenced him and swivelled him around to face the door.  
  
"You look great. Now march!"  
  
Dennis obediently allowed Andy to gently push him towards the door, lunging to grab his jacket from the coat rack sitting to the left of the door. Andy picked up a plastic bag resting against the wall, and upon seeing the bag Dennis bit his lip and stopped at the doorway.  
  
"Oh, wait a sec - I've only been to Blush and this apartment, so I haven't got Steve a housewarming gift!"  
  
"I know." Andy grinned. His hand disappeared into the bag, then emerged clutching a wrapped gift and held it out to Dennis, who took it with a smile of relief and appreciation. He slipped it beneath his arm and patted Andy's cheek.   
  
"Have you told you lately what an angel you are?"  
  
Dennis turned and sailed down the hallway towards the elevator while Andy locked their apartment door, his cheek tingling from Dennis's friendly touch. It reminded him of a second vow he had made, not to let Dennis know of his feelings for him. He'd narrowly escaped crossing the barrier between 'meddling' and 'minding his own business' in his first vow…but his second one was proving harder and harder to keep. He wasn't sure how long he could suppress his emotions when something as simple and innocent as a pat on the cheek could just about drive him crazy.  
  
He stuffed his keyring into his jacket pocket and scuttled to the elevator, inside which Dennis stood holding the 'Doors Open' button. Once they were both inside, Dennis released the button and the doors slid closed. Dennis seemed livelier now that he was going out with Andy and no longer had the vacant look in his eyes that he'd been sporting for the last three days. He silently declared that his mission that evening would be to relax, forget about his problems with Ethan and perhaps try to have fun while he was at it. He owed Andy a great debt of gratitude…if it weren't for him he would still be in his miserable slump. He adjusted his shirt and jacket while Andy shuffled his feet, giving him a sideways glance.  
  
"I mean it," he said softly. "You look great."  
  
"Whatever you say," Dennis replied with a half-smile, toying with his collar. As the elevator began its descent, Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and swayed on his heels, staring down at his shoes.  
  
'One of these days I'll tell you,' Andy thought. 'I don't care if you knock me back. I still want you to know how much I care. But not while Ethan's in the picture.'  



	8. housewarming

To his surprise, Dennis didn't have to try too hard to be pleasant and cheerful. From the moment he and Andy rapped on Steve's apartment door everyone who wanted to meet 'the guy Andy's been raving about' promptly whisked him away. He was a little daunted by the sudden attention he was getting, but the people he met were so comradely and warm that he quickly relaxed. There was never a gap in conversations so he barely had a spare second to mull over recent events. The people scattered throughout Steve's new apartment came from all walks of life and each contributed in their own ways to the already jaunty atmosphere. From the larrikins to the deadly serious, Dennis met them all, and thoroughly enjoyed them and the change of pace they and the entire evening were providing. Before this party, he didn't realise he could get along with such a diverse group of people. Andy never strayed very far, checking in every now and then to see how Dennis was doing. After a couple of hours, half of the guests had moved out to the generously sized balcony looking out over the kaleidoscopic lights of the Big Apple. Tables had been set up along the balcony and the music blaring inside the apartment could barely be heard through the sliding glass doors. Dennis was seated at one of the tables between Andy and Claire, a bubbly young woman he'd met only minutes before, but took an instant liking to. Four others accompanied them, enjoying laughs between sips of imported wine and puffs of cigarettes.  
  
Dennis took a silent roll call of the attendees joining him at the tables. Beside Andy and Claire, Steve was taking a break from 'being the good and gracious host', and filling the remaining chairs were Blair (a baby-faced apprentice architect), Rose (a middle-aged restaurant owner with hair so strongly lacquered into a helmet that Dennis almost saluted) and Josie (a young, attractive filmmaker who'd recently made the trek to NYC from Washington). For people with such varied upbringings and professions, they never seemed to run out of things to talk about - even the most peculiar topics. Within minutes they jumped from The Brady Bunch to theories of what was under the Statue of Liberty's sheet. Dennis sometimes found it hard to keep up, but rather than frustrating him, it amused him.   
  
"What I love - what I absolutely ADORE - about Monty Python is that, no matter what the situation is, you can always relate or appropriate it to a sketch or recite a line," Steve was saying, reclining in his chair and allowing the gentle breeze to lift his thin black hair off his shoulders. "For example…You're in a stingy cafeteria somewhere trying to order a meal. 'I don't like spam!' Or you're visiting your quack and, for some reason, the receptionist, who's as dumb as a box of hammers, can't pronounce your name. 'It's pronounced Throat Wobbler Mangrove.' There's ALWAYS a time and place for a bit of Python to brighten your day."  
  
"But I wouldn't recommend using the 'Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge' sketch as an icebreaker at parties," Blair advised with a self-mocking grin. "I tried it on your cousin an hour ago, Steve, and don't take it personally if she never attends any of your parties again!"  
  
Steve responded with a hearty laugh. "Well, there will always be people who will quizzically stare and wonder if your cheese has slid off your cracker, so to speak." He took a pause before adding, "And then if you launch into a Python sketch their fears will be confirmed!"  
  
"Hey, Steve, don't ever let anyone tell you that you're a smart-ass!" Claire joked, pelting him with a handful of assorted nuts.  
  
"They're insane," Josie said after swallowing a mouthful of wine. "They get on TV and make complete idiots of themselves."  
  
"That's true, but do you really think they care?" Dennis spoke up with a smile. "There are some people who would piss through the eye of a needle to get themselves on TV and then call themselves entertainers. But the boys of Monty Python aren't, I think, in the same category as them. They're show ponies, yes, and sometimes I can't believe the things they come up with…but there's method in their madness, most of the time!"  
  
"And it's up to people like us…'who are out of our tiny little minds'," Steve replied, launching into yet another quote before returning to normal speech, "to make sure that the great comedy of the world is preserved…no matter how insane they seem to be!"  
  
"But Python isn't good comedy!" Josie disagreed. Andy gasped dramatically and turned to her with mock mortification.   
  
"How dare you say such a thing amongst a gathering of Pythonites!" he boomed, pressing his hand against his chest. "Well then, Ms Filmmaker, what would YOU classify as a good comedy?"  
  
Josie pondered the question for a moment before replying, "Fawlty Towers."  
  
"It's just the same as Python!" Andy exclaimed with a laugh.  
  
"No, it's not!"  
  
"Yes, it is!" Dennis, Andy and Steve declared in unison, breaking into giggles. Claire lit a cigarette and offered it to Rose, who politely refused.   
  
"What about those 70's and 80's shows?" she suggested. "You know - Cheers, Married With Children, Family Ties -"  
  
"-Happy Days!" Rose butted in. The group erupted with a footy-team cheer in appreciation, raising their glasses.  
  
"So cheesy that they're good!" Andy concluded. "Even Cheers had some fine moments. But nothing, absolutely NOTHING, could possibly compete with the classics."  
  
Dennis leant forward and stage-whispered, "I'll never openly admit this EVER again, but I used to have an obsession with Welcome Back Kotter."  
  
"Oh, there, there." Andy teasingly patted his shoulder. "But that's thing. I have one word for you: Roseanne."  
  
The group groaned and laughed at the same time before contributing stories of their own obsessions, gently poking fun at one another. Dennis gazed towards the door and saw Nina stepping out onto the balcony, removing a pair of designer specs and slipping them into her purse. Nobody appeared to be accompanying her and Dennis felt compelled to approach her and say hello. He excused himself from the table and did an awkward dance, winding through the people standing around, until he reached her and tapped her on the shoulder.   
  
"Well, this is certainly a change of scene for you," he greeted her. Her burgundy lips curled into a smile.   
  
"Dennis! Good to see you out and about!"  
  
"I thought you stayed in with what's-his-face on Friday nights."  
  
"Steven," Nina corrected him. "He's at his brother's Bucks Night." Nina pulled her invitation out of her purse. "Besides, party invitations are drying up. I have to take what I can get, little man!"  
  
Dennis chuckled. "So what were you in a flap about during work Wednesday?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, that." Nina's smile faded. "Steven and I were fighting. He started it off by accusing me of being vain." When Dennis didn't respond straight away, she prompted, "This is the part where you tell me i'm NOT vain."  
  
"Oh, NO amount of sugarcoating could possibly sweeten the response I could be giving right now," Dennis said with a grin. "I'm kidding. Anyway, go on."  
  
Nina and Dennis shuffled through the crowd until they reached the railing and leant against it. "It went further…some hurtful things were said and done…and I kicked him out on Wednesday morning. I have no idea where he went. But he came home this afternoon. We talked about it all and eventually we made up…twice." Her smile reappeared, but only for a moment. "One of the things I hurled at him was that I'd found out that when we started going out, he was still seeing his twenty-something girlfriend on the sly. He broke it off with her after a couple of weeks but I was still VERY hurt when I found out."  
  
"I know what you mean," Dennis said before he could bite his tongue. "And you forgave him for it?"  
  
Nina nodded. "It was a hard thing for me to do. You know how I am with forgiveness. But I tried to look past that…and I realised how much I love him. The good far outweighs the bad." Nina took a glass of wine from the tray that Steve's cousin was carrying around. "Besides, everyone deserves a second chance. You never forget what happened, that's impossible to do, but you at least try to forgive and perhaps start anew. After Steven and I made up we made each-other completely aware of our feelings, then we promised that we'd try not to let anything else, big or small, put our relationship into jeopardy."  
  
Dennis shook his head with disbelief. "This is a side of you I've never seen before." Before he could stop himself, he went on, "While we're talking about this, there's something I want to talk to you about."  
  
Nina studied him curiously. "Go on."  
  
'What are you DOING?' exclaimed a voice inside his head. 'Don't even think about it tonight. Don't think about it at ALL. Forget it.'  
  
He took a deep breath and began. "Well…a…friend of mine broke up with their boyfriend quite a while ago because they found out he'd been cheating on them. This guy disappeared and left my friend feeling extremely hurt. Now he's come back into their life and he's asking them to take him back. What are they supposed to do?"  
  
"Well, how does your friend feel about him now? Are they still angry?"  
  
"They don't think it's anger anymore," Dennis replied. "They think it's fear. You know, when you've been hurt once before, you don't want to take them back because there's every chance that they might do it again. My friend thinks their boyfriend is really sorry and he's completely genuine in his intentions…but they don't want to start anything with him again when there's still so much distrust."  
  
"I take it your friend still cares for this guy," Nina guessed.   
  
Dennis shrugged his shoulders. "In a sense, they do. But they're finding it hard to put the past behind them."  
  
Nina nodded understandingly. "I see where you're coming from, or where your friend's coming from, anyway. I had the same fears with Steven. So we're taking it slow. We're cleaning the slate and starting anew. I suggest that your friend does the same."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yeah. Of course, moving on is very difficult, especially due to the severity of what one or the other has done. But once they take that first step, it becomes a whole lot easier." Nina was about to continue but she caught sight of an acquaintance in the swarm of people on the balcony and sat her drink near the railing. "Oh, she's here! Excuse me, Dennis, I really have to talk to this person. Let me know how things work out with your friend and their boyfriend!"  
  
"I will," Dennis half-heartedly promised as Nina disappeared into the crowd. He took Nina's glass in his hand and tapped his fingers against it in deep thought, looking out to the city. What Nina said made sense, and he was a little surprised that she could be so intelligent and insightful. It only proved that he should give everyone the benefit of the doubt. He applied this to his musings over the situation with Ethan. He wanted to believe that, if he allowed Ethan back into his life, Ethan would be good to him, but he couldn't do that when so much distrust was present. Ethan sounded so apologetic and sincere…maybe he HAD learned his lesson and was ready to make a fresh start with him. He considered Nina's suggestion of 'cleaning the slate and starting anew'. It sounded so simple in theory. He supposed he could at least TRY…After all, Ethan was making a great effort, why couldn't he do the same?   
  
'Jesus, have you lost your MIND?' the familiar voice returned. 'Why are you even considering giving Ethan another shot after he did what he did?'  
  
Dennis brought the glass to his lips and downed the contents in one go. Nina's words echoed in his mind - "everyone deserves a second chance". "Take it slow." "The good far outweighs the bad."  



	9. let's make a date

Dennis was still unsure about what he wanted to do when Monday rolled around. He was relieved that he was no longer wandering around acting diffident and having his mind a thousand worlds away, but meanwhile he evaluated the situation over and over like a broken record, searching for a new idea or an alternate conclusion. But his heart was screaming for him to talk to Ethan. He held no expectations for them - he just wanted to see how they would relate to each other after a year of distance. If he DID eventually decide that he wanted to start up with him again, and something went wrong, he was prepared to simply erase Ethan from his life completely, despite knowing that it would hurt him greatly. Remembering Ethan's proclamation that he still loved him, he was prepared to hear him out if the subject came up, but he wanted to avoid discussing it if he could. He wanted to take everything slowly and not try to pick up where they'd left off, because that would be too difficult. He'd ask Ethan what he'd done in the time that he was gone, what he's doing now…He'd make it clear to Ethan that he did not just want to leap back into another relationship. At this stage he wasn't even sure if that was what he desired. He wanted a FRIENDSHIP before any relationship. He wanted to build trust, honesty and respect before anything else.  
  
He made an effort to return to normal during work on Monday, being his jovial, quick-tongued self. It was a refreshing change from his behaviour he'd displayed in the last half of the previous week. In fact, everyone in the office seemed in higher spirits, though he couldn't guess why. When he saw Ethan stepping out of the elevator with Elliott his heart skipped a beat but he otherwise remained calm, acknowledging him with a wave of the fingers and a polite smile. Ethan didn't know how to react at first, but then responded with a wider smile, trying to keep up with Elliott as he babbled on about photography. Their eyes locked for a mere second and all of a sudden Dennis was reminded of why he'd been attracted to Ethan in the first place. When he smiled, it was genuine, and his eyes would tell you so. No forced, obviously fake grins like many others gave. He didn't look at him for very long, wanting to be friendly but not lead him to thinking he was after something else, and picked up the phone to book an appointment with Jack's favourite masseuse that he'd requested minutes before Ethan's entrance. Ethan stole one last glance from him and then followed Elliott into his office. After hanging up the phone it suddenly occurred to Dennis what an ass he was making of himself. He'd fled from the café after Ethan's declaration of love, he'd completely avoided him, and now he was SMILING and WAVING? It was times like these when Dennis wondered if he was a complete nutcase. He half-jokingly considered stamping a message onto his forehead: "Gone insane - back in five minutes."  
  
Whilst Ethan was in Elliott's office, Dennis wondered what he was going to say to Ethan when he emerged. "Hi, um, I know I panicked, did a runner and then avoided you, but I was wondering if you'd like to come out for coffee with me later." Somehow he didn't think that would be a tremendous success…But if his thoughts about Ethan were correct, he would jump at the chance to spend time with Dennis again. So a speech wasn't necessary, but he wanted one anyway, just to be prepared. Since Ethan had come back into town he'd been rehearsing just about everything, and it was bordering on ridiculousness, if not obsession. As he waited for Ethan to come out of the office, he went about sorting through the avalanche of papers on his table, most of which hadn't been cleared since last week, while 'Sunshine Of Your Love' played on the radio. He turned it up a little louder and began singing as he cleaned up, not caring if the music was distracting any of his co-workers. As he picked up one pile of papers he accidentally knocked another one onto the floor, scattering papers left, right and center. He cursed under his breath and crouched down to pick them up, whistling melodiously. Once he had all the papers in his hands he stood up and gave a little yelp when he saw Ethan looming over him.   
  
"Don't do that!" Dennis exclaimed, carefully placing the papers on the table. Ethan was clearly amused that he'd startled Dennis and folded his arms on the table.   
  
"Don't do what? Sneak up on you or stare at you?" Ethan asked boldly. Dennis cleared his throat and tried not to blush.  
  
"What are you doing with Elliott?" Dennis enquired without answering Ethan's question.   
  
"I'm the guest photographer for the next issue so he's offered to help me out and show me the ropes around Blush," Ethan replied. "It's good to have his input. I don't want him to feel like he hasn't got a job for the next issue!"  
  
"Nah, he'd be cool about it," Dennis assured him. "How did you get to be the guest photographer?"  
  
"Oh, my boss is good friends with Jack. They were having lunch when he told Jack about me." Ethan shrugged. "I guess he was impressed with what I'd done so far."  
  
"Must've been. I mean, you've done some great work."  
  
"Thanks," Ethan said a little shyly.  
  
"Listen, um, now that you're here," Dennis went on, deciding to get straight to the point, "there was something I wanted to ask you."  
  
"Sure, go ahead."   
  
"Well…Ah, well, I was wondering…I was…Argh!" Dennis growled and laughed at himself. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me."  
  
"It's okay…" Ethan stared at him with those eyes that Dennis found so mesmerizing. "I want to see you again. Do you want to see me?"  
  
"Yeah - but not as anything major," Dennis said hurriedly. "It's nothing more than just…wanting to catch up and find out what you've been doing with yourself while you've been gone."  
  
"Of course, nothing more," Ethan agreed with a smile. "You've got my card, haven't you?"  
  
"Yeah, I've still got it at home somewhere, I'm sure."  
  
"Great. Gimme a call tonight and we'll work something out. I've got to get back to work."  
  
"Alright, I will," Dennis promised.   
  
"Okay…Bye, Dennis."   
  
Ethan gave him one last smile, pausing for a beat, and then he strode towards the elevator with his hands in his coat pockets. Ethan tried not to make it obvious to anyone that he was watching him leave, but nobody was paying any attention to him so he stared freely, resting his chin on his fist. As he continued with his work he tried to remember where he'd last seen Ethan's card, which had been last Monday night. He'd been talking about it with Andy and left it on a table…and he hadn't seen it since. He guessed that Andy had moved it or put it somewhere in his bedroom. He'd have to have a hunt around for it when he got home.   
  
-----  
  
"You threw it away?!" Dennis exclaimed, towering over Andy as he sat on the couch. Andy rolled his eyes and closed the magazine he was reading.   
  
"It was for your own good," he calmly reasoned. "I knew you'd be tempted to surrender and call him."  
  
"He wants me to call him tonight! You didn't have to do that, Andy!"  
  
"I DIDN'T?" Andy leapt off the couch and raised his voice, releasing the frustration that had been increasing in intensity since the previous Monday afternoon, when The Inevitable Return of Ethan had arrived. "Dennis, you were the one who told me how much he'd upset you and how you didn't want him to come back. And now that he IS back, it seems like you're losing your senses and forgetting how you felt!"  
  
"I'm not forgetting anything!" Dennis started to say but was cut off by Andy, who was still on a roll.  
  
"You really don't know what you want, do you? Why should be granted a second chance?"  
  
"Everyone deserves a second chance," Dennis heard himself quoting from Nina's advice. Andy scoffed.   
  
"Do you have any idea how much of a fool you sound?"  
  
"Andy, I don't know how you can say all this when you don't even know Ethan!"  
  
"I hear enough about him from you. And you DO know Ethan, so you of all people should know that he'll eventually screw you up all over again! Just listen to yourself, D. I know your emotions are all over the place right now, but for God's sake, think with your HEAD and nothing else!"  
  
Dennis geared himself up for retaliation but the phone rang loudly before he could open his mouth. He and Andy looked towards it at the same time but it was Andy who chose to answer it, both simmering but neither one speaking any further.  
  
"Hello?…Yeah, he's here, who's asking?" Andy lowered the receiver from his ear and muttered, "It's your Knight In Shining Armani," tossing the receiver carelessly on the table with a resounding clunk. Dennis walked over to the table and grasped it in his hand as Andy grabbed his coat and yanked the apartment door open.  
  
"Where are you going?" Dennis asked.  
  
"For a walk," Andy barked over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him. Dennis took a moment to listen to the echo throughout the apartment, and then remembered Ethan was on the phone and put the receiver to his ear. He gazed at the door in bewilderment. What on earth had come over Andy? He rarely ever lost his temper, and when he did it was never over anything like that. Was he under stress at work? Was there something going on that he wasn't aware of? He couldn't work it out.  
  
"Ethan?" he said into the receiver.  
  
"Hi…Have I called at a bad time? Whoever answered the phone sounded ticked off."  
  
"You've just met Andy, my roommate. I don't know why he's so ticked off. He just flounced out the door. How did you get my number?"  
  
"I called Elliott and he gave it to me. I wasn't sure if you were gonna call me. I was worried you'd have second thoughts…"  
  
"I was going to call, but I only found out a couple of minutes ago that Andy threw your card away."  
  
"I don't know if I want to meet this Andy guy. He sounds quite choleric. I'll have to give you a new one when we meet up."  
  
"Which is when, by the way?" Dennis waited patiently, sitting on the stool beside the phone, while Ethan flipped through his organizer and studied his itinerary for that week. He tapped his pen in thought against his teeth as he did so.  
  
"Well, my only free time seems to be on Thursday night, and I have a photo shoot during sunset. It's something in a carpark for a tacky magazine ad. It's not the high point of my career but I need the money. I have no idea when that's finishing."  
  
"That's okay," Dennis replied quickly.  
  
"No, no, I can see if Bruce or anyone else will do it."  
  
"No, I mean, if it's okay, I'll go and watch. I'll stay out of your way."  
  
"Oh. Alright, we won't get much talking done during the shoot, though, I'll be setting up and directing the models and whatnot…but if you want to hang around afterwards, we can go get something to eat. How does that sound?"  
  
"That's good for me." Dennis recalled his decision to take it slowly and added carefully, "But of course, ah, this doesn't mean I want to…start seeing you again, you know…"  
  
Ethan listened and spoke up when Dennis trailed off. "Nothing will be said or done that you don't feel comfortable with. I've already made my feelings clear to you but…if I become unbearable, throw a bucket of ice over my head or something."  
  
"I'll be sure to keep one handy." Dennis granted himself permission to crack a small smile. "Well, I guess I'll see you on Thursday. Where do I go?"  
  
Dennis grabbed a pen and a piece of paper while Ethan gave him the location and directions on how to get to the location of the photo shoot. Ethan told him to call if there was a sudden change of plans (he could get his work number from Elliott) and bid him a friendly goodbye. After hanging up, Dennis propped his elbow onto the table holding the phone and re-read the directions Ethan had given him. Right on schedule, he had his inner 'should I or shouldn't I?' debate, but he refused to think about it for very long. His biggest concern on his mind at that time was Andy's behaviour. What had he done that triggered Andy into having such an outburst? He felt an immediate urge to apologise but then he wondered what he'd be apologising for. As far as he was concerned, he hadn't done anything to upset Andy. As for his animosity towards Ethan…what was THAT all about?  
  
He didn't wait for Andy to return home, allowing him some space to cool off. Andy was a dear friend and the last thing he wanted to do was argue with him. Instead, he retreated into his bedroom and didn't emerge for the rest of the night.  



	10. a change of plans

== BEFORE I LAUNCH INTO THIS CHAPTER, I'D LIKE TO REQUEST SOME FEEDBACK FROM THE READERS OF 'AGAIN'. WHO DO YOU THINK DENNIS SHOULD END UP WITH - ETHAN OR ANDY? I'LL BE DEVELOPING ALL CHARACTERS AS THE STORY PROGRESSES, SO YOU MAY CHANGE YOUR MIND AS YOU GO ALONG - BUT AT THIS POINT IN TIME, WHO SHOULD WIN DENNIS'S HEART? EITHER LEAVE A REVIEW WITH YOUR 'VOTE' OR GO TO http://www.freevote.com/booth/ethanorandy! THANKS! ==  
  
-----  
  
Andy and Dennis spoke to each other the next morning but their conversation was brief and neither man mentioned the incident from the night before. Dennis was itching to ask Andy what he'd gotten so upset about, but then thought it was best to avoid the subject until they were back on friendly terms. Andy managed to summon a smile as Dennis said goodbye to depart for work, which gave Dennis hope that whatever was annoying Andy could be talked about, and their friendship could be reconciled, sooner rather than later. Thankfully, they exchanged apologies that evening during dinner, after growing tired of the tense silence between them. They both knew deep down that, no matter how angry they are with each other, things would eventually be sorted out. They'd become so close that they could never stay mad for very long. Andy's explanation for his behaviour was a combination of work stress and frustration due to hearing about Ethan so often. Dennis apologised for constantly worrying and complaining about Ethan and promised that he'd try to shut his mouth about the situation. In response, Andy slung an arm around Dennis's shoulders.  
  
"Dennis, we're good buds, so you can come and talk to me about almost everything. You know that. But…some things are best left for a shrink to figure out. I'm under-qualified." He concluded with a warm, joking smile that reinstated Dennis's belief in impenetrable bonds between two close friends. Their friendship returned to normal immediately afterwards - they fought playfully, they had lengthy chat sessions about many things and their evenings would end on the couch, watching whichever movie took their fancy. Dennis often rested his head against Andy's shoulder and wouldn't think anything of it - and meanwhile Andy would be fighting to control the urges he usually managed to suppress.  
  
Andy volunteered to drive Dennis to the location of Dennis's photo shoot on Thursday afternoon as soon as Dennis got home from work. Dennis wanted to be there before the sun began to set and Ethan had to work, so they would be able to talk to each other. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, Dennis and Andy started heading towards the apartment door when the phone rang. Dennis scurried back into the apartment and grabbed it on its third ring.  
  
"Andy's Painting - if the fumes don't kill you, the prices will!" Dennis jokingly greeted the caller. Andy appeared by his side and smacked him on the back of the head.  
  
"No wonder there are rarely any calls for me!" he chuckled.   
  
"Dennis, it's Ethan. Good thing you're home, I was worried that I wouldn't catch you before you left."  
  
"You've got perfect timing. Andy and I were just heading out the door. What's up?"  
  
"Well, the photo shoot has been canned. The boss knocked it back for some reason. So the bad news is that my paycheck goes down this week. But the GOOD news is that I'm completely free tonight."  
  
"OK, so what would you like to do?"  
  
"You know, you're making it quite hard for me to suggest a place to go because of this 'no date' thing you've got going on!"  
  
Dennis considered the possibilities, rhythmically tapping his fingers on the wall and replied, "Listen, I want it to be casual. I want to be able to talk with you about things without interruptions. So how about you come over to the apartment, we order some pizza and we relax?"  
  
"Hmmm - we're not dating but you're inviting me to your apartment for the evening. Makes sense!" Ethan laughed, as did Dennis.  
  
"It's a strictly Hands Off policy - I just wanna make that clear before anything, okay?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know," Ethan replied breezily. "Give me your address."  
  
Dennis have him the details while Andy looked on, hovering in the background with a disappointed frown. He'd offered to drive Dennis to Ethan's photo shoot to make amends for his outburst - but now it hit him that he was only encouraging Dennis to see Ethan and, in a sense, throwing him back into the arms of the man who'd broken his heart once before. He was going completely against what his heart desired. Dennis would fight Ethan off at first, but he'd eventually give in to him and create Heartache Mark II. Despite not having met the man he'd heard so much about, he didn't like him - or rather, he didn't like the fact that he'd ran away so he didn't have to face his mistakes, then came prancing back and was trying to gain repossession of Dennis's heart. Dennis was smart in some ways and foolish in others. If Ethan came on strongly enough, he'd surrender. He worried for his friend and wished there were other ways to show him the potential disaster that waited ahead. He thought about letting Dennis learn for himself, but the way he was opening a door for Ethan showed that he probably hadn't learned enough from his mistakes the FIRST time. He recalled the words his father had told him during an adolescent lecture on the ways of the world - "If they do it once, it's their fault. If they do it twice, it's YOUR fault." Those words had stayed with him throughout his years and he lived by his father's wise teachings. Putting his romantic interest in Dennis aside, he still couldn't bear the thought of seeing his heart running away with Ethan's, and then seeing the crestfallen look on his face as Ethan hurt him once again. He certainly didn't want to encourage Dennis when it came to Ethan, but he guessed that Dennis wouldn't appreciate it if he intervened too much. His loyalty to Dennis and his secret promises were beginning to render him helpless.  
  
'But surely there's SOMETHING I could say or do,' he thought. 'I'm his friend - surely he'd listen to me if I spoke up!' But he'd already tried doing that in his previous outburst and he'd failed in making Dennis see what he was getting himself into. In all essence, it was up to Dennis to save himself from Ethan's lethal charms and persuasion. Andy felt that Ethan was putting on a front to lead Dennis to believe that he'd seen the error of his ways, when his heart was still very much open to other people. He hadn't met Ethan so he couldn't pass such judgement, but his suspicions of Dennis's former partner were alive and well.  
  
"OK, see you soon…Bye." Dennis hung up the phone and turned to Andy. "There's been a change of plans. He's coming over here. I should've asked you if that was alright but…"  
  
"Forget it. I'll go out and find something else to do," Andy said with a shrug, flopping onto the couch. Dennis pressed his lips together and sat on the coffee table near Andy.  
  
"Andy, I want you to be there," he said with his hands clasped and sitting on his knees. Andy sat up slightly with a questioning look.  
  
"You-you want me to be there?" he repeated. "With Ethan? Why?"  
  
"You probably don't like him very much because of all my complaining, which is understandable, but I'd like you to meet him."  
  
"The other reason." Andy lifted an eyebrow. Dennis sat still for a moment, then nodded and gave a small smile in admission.   
  
"I don't trust him yet. Well, I don't trust him being alone with me, nor do I trust myself in that sort of situation. You'll be my protector. You can give me a boot up the ass when I start losing myself." Dennis smiled again and gently touched Andy's arm. "Will you stay?"  
  
Dennis's touch sent a surge like an electric current through his body. He felt a strong desire to lift his arm and entwine his fingers in Dennis's hair, his thumb caressing his cheek…but he fought back his desires and nodded. "Alright, since I'm curious about Ethan, I'll stick around."  
  
"Give me your verdict at the end of the night!" Dennis perked up. He playfully roughed up Andy's hair and rose to his feet. "I'm gonna order the pizza. I love you, man!"  
  
As Dennis trotted away Andy remained on the couch, staring at - but not concentrating on - the white roof with his arm behind his head. The surge inside him went on.  
  
"I love you too," he whispered.  



	11. a turning point for all

Feelings of anger were understandable. So was wariness. But Andy experienced an emotion during the remainder of that evening that he hadn't expected in regards to Ethan's return - jealousy. From the moment Dennis greeted Ethan at the apartment door and led him into the living room to his departure in the late hours, Andy said very little to Ethan directly, covering up all he was feeling and tempted to say by engaging in conversations with Dennis as often as possible. He behaved in a civil manner but exhibited no wishes of a greater association with Ethan than necessary. Ethan put on similar behaviour. Occasionally they'd glance at one another with looks that almost screamed, "Stay away from my man". Whenever Dennis went into a discussion with Ethan, Andy couldn't see an opportunity to interrupt, so he watched and listened. He fought back his nauseating disgust as Ethan made sure Dennis hung on every word he said, and he felt his insides plummeting simultaneously whenever Dennis appeared to be relaxing and becoming more and more comfortable with his former partner. In his distrust of Ethan he instinctively wanted to protect Dennis as a good friend would - but on the other hand, he'd already lectured himself about meddling in other people's affairs. As the hours went on, as pizza boxes, wine bottles and inhibitions were discarded, Andy conceded that he was strongly, heartbreaking jealous, although he couldn't understand the reasons for feeling this way. He'd made his concerns and opinions about Ethan clear since his reappearance, and in his presence they only seemed to escalate. But what he was envious of was the way in which Dennis was so vulnerable to Ethan's charms. He knew Dennis well enough to recognise that he was still being relatively cautious about the whole thing, but he could also detect when Dennis was becoming smitten with someone. In light of their history together and the resulting mess it created, being besotted would only lead to more trouble. Both he and Dennis were aware of that. But the more Dennis drank the less guarded he became, and the more relaxed. Ethan, Andy guessed, could see this change occurring in his ex and using it to his advantage. Andy was sure that if he weren't there, Ethan would be putting on his "I'm so sorry, I love you, take me back" performance. What concerned Andy the most about this, though, was he knew that in his friend's current disposition, he would allow Ethan to do it.   
  
"Look at him," he thought, addressing whatever sides of his personality would tune in to his musings. "He's looking so calm and confident. Before long he's going to have D wrapped around his little finger. I can't allow that to happen."   
  
As the owner of the apartment he saw it as his prerogative to look out for the well being of whoever was in his residence at all times. In his increasing dislike of the situation unfolding before him, he saw it fit to take control, even if it was for the wrong reasons.   
  
"I really hate to interrupt you guys, but it's getting late. We all have to work tomorrow," he calmly reminded them, pointing at the wall clock for emphasis and rising to a stand. "Ethan, it was great meeting you, I hope all goes well with your job and such."   
  
'Yip, Captain Bullshitter, that's me. The finest lies have I!' he thought.   
  
Ethan didn't look completely ready to leave just yet, which Andy had expected. But what surprised him was Dennis's agreement with his proposal that they call it a night. He wasn't sure if it was Dennis's alcohol talking, but he liked to presume that Dennis had turned on his ex in some way, knowing that if they were together in a room for much longer both would almost explode. Dennis followed Ethan to the door and spoke to him quietly whilst Andy waited across the room. He couldn't decipher what was being said amongst the mumbles but by body language and the tones in which they spoke, Andy could see that Dennis was ready for Ethan to leave. This delighted him.   
  
Once Ethan had finally left and Dennis had shut the door, Dennis strode over to Andy and sat his glass on a coaster nearby, exhaling loudly.   
  
"Well, that went for a few hours too long," Dennis said. Andy agreed. "Don't get me wrong, it was great to just relax and talk comfortably with him, but if it wasn't for these little drinkies I wouldn't have gabbed so much. I'm not gonna be able to speak in the morning." Dennis giggled, demonstrating that he was tipsy from the alcohol. "I'm usually good with drinking but I guess I lost count. So, Andy, how do you feel about Ethan now?"   
  
Andy was careful in his choice of words for his response. "He's an acquired taste. I'm still not sure about him. I could tell he's ass-over-biceps for you, though. I should ask how YOU feel about Ethan after tonight, really, now that you've spent time talking with him."   
  
Dennis lowered himself into a chair at the table. "Well, I'm not going to say I didn't enjoy our chat. I found that I really like having him around when we're not talking about things that have been said and done in the past. You know, after a while I almost forgot anything had ever gone wrong between us." Seeing the look in Andy's eyes as he geared up for an objection and perhaps a lecture, Dennis rushed ahead. "But it doesn't mean I'm willing to start up a romance with him again. I'm still being cautious. If anything, and I'm only saying this at this present stage, but we'll probably end up simply being friends."   
  
"Won't you find that hard considering your history?"   
  
"Oh, sure, I'm not saying everything will just be forgotten. But if I feel that he's paid his price for what he did, and if he's prepared to settle for a friendship, then we can work on forming something better than what we had, just without any romance."   
  
"OK, I'm almost positive that it's not you talking, it's the alcohol. But really, how can you expect that he'll be so willing to 'settle' for something less than what I can see he wants?"   
  
"I know what he wants too, Andy. He may feel regret for hurting me but I'm the one who knows the pain better than he or anyone ever could. Look, I'm probably not making sense, talking in circles, whatever…but my basic point is, I enjoyed his company tonight and at this point in time I'm willing to work towards…what's the word? Healing? Resolution? Is that it?"   
  
"Time may heal wounds but the memories will always be there, and sometimes they can hurt even more. Dennis, I know you think things are all fine and dandy now, but I'm really worried that you're letting your feelings get in the way of your better judgement. I can tell that you have some unresolved feelings from your past relationship with him and you can't let that guide you down the wrong path. He may regret what he's done but I'm fearing that he can see that you're still very vulnerable and he'll use it as a tool to move his way back into your life."   
  
"Hey, Ethan will always be a part of my life, no matter what happens," Dennis launched into a rebuttal, aided by his alcoholic consumption loosening his tongue and sending his emotions writhing. "And yes, I still have some feelings that need to be resolved, I'll grant you that. But in regards to resolving things, I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling that I could've done something to ease the pain a little. For all we've been through, God help me, I can't hate him. You may forget this but there was a time in my life that I was in love with him. He's hurt me a great deal, I can't ever forget that, but if he and I can take our relationship to an agreeable level, where there won't be any great chance of being hurt again, then later on in life I'm going to feel so much better about all that's happened. Because I'll know that I did something instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Before anything else, Andy, we were friends, and in retrospect that was a better stage for us to be at because much less was at risk. Of course I wish to a degree that we were still together but I'm hoping that in reconciling with him and forming a basis of friendship, I can find a way to deal with what's been done, so that we can get back to what we started out as: friends. I may be vulnerable, but I'm smart and I know myself. I can't simply leave it alone. I need a resolution for myself."   
  
Dennis stood up and stepped closer to Andy, his waves of emotions smoothing over a little. "Andy, I really appreciate what you've been doing, and by the way I've spoken about Ethan it's completely understandable that you're worried for me. But I've needed a supportive friend all this time and I really don't want you to turn on me now that I'm trying to work on this."   
  
Andy waited a moment to take in all that Dennis had said before replying with more truth behind it that he could allow himself to demonstrate, "I only warn you because I care about you."   
  
"I know that, and I wouldn't have been able to come to such a turning point like this if it wasn't for you being such a wonderful friend. In saying that, I need your help to kick-start the process. And this means that I'm asking you to help me reach a reconciliation with him."   
  
"Dennis-"   
  
"Please. I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't trust you and have security in what you and I have. You understand this situation and me more than most others do. It's not often that I let down my guard and ask for help, but I feel that I need it. Andy, will you help me?"   
  
Andy was speechless for a while, considering what Dennis was asking of him very carefully. He thought it through and realised that something Dennis had said about Ethan also applied to their own relationship: before anything, they were friends. Andy saw this as meaning that, in order to be the friend Dennis was pleading with him to be, he needed to put aside his secret feelings for Dennis and think of HIS needs in the affair before his own. To be a true friend he needed to be selfless in guiding Dennis to make the right decisions. He hated to do it but he made up his mind: as soon as Dennis wanted his help to seek resolution in his relationship with Ethan, Andy had to forget about how much he cared for Dennis.   
  
He embraced his friend in a demonstrative hug of loyalty and agreed to assist him. In his mind, it sealed fate like the adhesive on an envelope: Andy would never be allowed to love Dennis. 


End file.
